Scene 1
[A mediocre American restaurant]
(Busboy gathers
dishes from a messy, empty table. Floor around the table is covered with crumbs
and debris. Waitress approaches.)
Waitress: (Collecting
dishes and trash.) Thanks, this is pretty bad.
Busboy: Little kids always leave a mess.
Waitress: (Moves
chair, recoils.) That’s a lot of…crackers? Maybe? Ugh.
Busboy: What can you do? Kids are gross.
Waitress: Indeed! We should just kill them all.
(Busboy, with bemused
expression, carries full bus bin off stage.)
(Fade to black.)
************
That’s it. The first conversation I ever had with my
husband. I’m sure the irony is apparent.
When I meet someone I find interesting, I always wonder what
their significant other is like. Is he or she similar or different? What first
drew them together? Is the significant other worthy of my friend? They had better be. I hold my friends in high regard.
(Seriously, don’t eff with my friends. I run a discount thug
service. Our tag line is, “dirty deeds,
done dirt cheap.” What are you
talking about? Copyrighted? Naw. )
I should not
write these things with a drink in my hand. Moving
on!
The point is, dear readers, I know that you adore me,
and have surely been wondering Who From My Sizable Throng of Admirers I Had
Chosen to be My Lucky Man-Bride. Or What Idiot I Suckered Into Enduring
My Absurd Shenanigans Until We Both Die.
In either case, the answer is Jesse H. Luttrell.
Fun facts about Jesse H. Luttrell:
2. He looks amazing in navy blue
3. He keeps disposable gloves in his car like a damn serial killer
4. Somehow, he can construct a computer from its component parts, but cannot fold a bath towel
5. He has a phobia of loose change
We are neither completely similar not entirely opposite. We
both like good food and good books and travel and a rousing debate. He can easily
bench press me and I can run circles around him. He is (sort of) conservative
and I am (mostly) liberal. I am seventeen years a vegetarian and he is an
enthusiastic carnivore.
No doe-eyed youth has ever approached me and asked what the
secret to finding lasting love is. But if anyone ever did, I would answer,
Find yourself a worthy adversary.
I have been in relationships with people who didn't listen
to my perspective on anything. I have been in relationships with people who
deferred at every turn. The relationships that work are between people who are
willing to clash with one another. I guarantee that you aren't going to agree
with Prince/Princess Charming 100% of the time. Find someone you can have a
clean disagreement with. One where you both give your honest perspective,
debate the subject, and come to a compromise. (And still wash dishes while the
other dries afterward.) A worthy adversary.
That is the extent of my wisdom for the evening and possibly
forever.
Of all of the jerks that I have asked to guest-write a post
for bloggily, Jesse is the only one
who has given me a concrete “uhh, sure?”
I hope this post is a
worthy introduction to whatever he comes up with. Stay tuned, folks! The next post you see will
be authored by the one and only Jesse H. Luttrell.
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