Friday, March 13, 2015

Intro to Jesse

Scene 1

 [A mediocre American restaurant]

(Busboy gathers dishes from a messy, empty table. Floor around the table is covered with crumbs and debris. Waitress approaches.)

Waitress:   (Collecting dishes and trash.) Thanks, this is pretty bad.

Busboy:     Little kids always leave a mess.

Waitress:   (Moves chair, recoils.) That’s a lot of…crackers? Maybe? Ugh.

Busboy:     What can you do? Kids are gross.

Waitress:   Indeed! We should just kill them all.

(Busboy, with bemused expression, carries full bus bin off stage.)

(Fade to black.)


That’s it. The first conversation I ever had with my husband. I’m sure the irony is apparent.

When I meet someone I find interesting, I always wonder what their significant other is like. Is he or she similar or different? What first drew them together? Is the significant other worthy of my friend? They had better be.  I hold my friends in high regard.

(Seriously, don’t eff with my friends. I run a discount thug service. Our tag line is, “dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.”  What are you talking about? Copyrighted? Naw. )

I should not write these things with a drink in my hand. Moving on!

The point is, dear readers, I know that you adore me, and have surely been wondering Who From My Sizable Throng of Admirers I Had Chosen to be My Lucky Man-Bride.  Or What Idiot I Suckered Into Enduring My Absurd Shenanigans Until We Both Die.

In either case, the answer is Jesse H. Luttrell.

Fun facts about Jesse H. Luttrell:

1.       His favorite food is pizza
2.       He looks amazing in navy blue
3.       He keeps disposable gloves in his car like a damn serial killer
4.       Somehow, he can construct a computer from its component parts, but cannot fold a bath towel
5.       He has a phobia of loose change

We are neither completely similar not entirely opposite. We both like good food and good books and travel and a rousing debate. He can easily bench press me and I can run circles around him. He is (sort of) conservative and I am (mostly) liberal. I am seventeen years a vegetarian and he is an enthusiastic carnivore.

No doe-eyed youth has ever approached me and asked what the secret to finding lasting love is. But if anyone ever did, I would answer,

                Find yourself a worthy adversary.

I have been in relationships with people who didn't listen to my perspective on anything. I have been in relationships with people who deferred at every turn. The relationships that work are between people who are willing to clash with one another. I guarantee that you aren't going to agree with Prince/Princess Charming 100% of the time. Find someone you can have a clean disagreement with. One where you both give your honest perspective, debate the subject, and come to a compromise. (And still wash dishes while the other dries afterward.) A worthy adversary.

That is the extent of my wisdom for the evening and possibly forever.

Of all of the jerks that I have asked to guest-write a post for bloggily, Jesse is the only one who has given me a concrete “uhh, sure?”

 I hope this post is a worthy introduction to whatever he comes up with.  Stay tuned, folks! The next post you see will be authored by the one and only Jesse H. Luttrell.

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